22 Years
by JeeSun
Summary: LAST PART UP NOW! 22 years of friendship, love, marriage, grief and death. CJ/Toby. (18/18)
1. The White House, Mars 2003

Title: 22 Years  
  
Author: JeeSun  
  
Category: CJ/Toby  
  
Summary: 22 years of friendship, love, marriage, grief and death.  
  
Spoilers: Debate Camp, other ones in other parts.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please. At Jee__Sun@hotmail.com (double underscore)  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know.  
  
A/N: Sorry, this isn't beta-read. Another note at the end of the last part.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The White House, Mars 2003 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ grabbed the cup of coffee Carol handed her and entered her office. She began sorting through her papers on her desk.  
  
"Hey."  
  
She quickly turned around and took a deep calming breath when she saw Toby on the couch. "Jesus, Toby. What are you trying to do? Scare the crap out of me or what?"  
  
Unconsciously she moved her hand to her heart and let it stay there.  
  
"Sorry," he said quietly.  
  
CJ turned around and began looking through her papers again expecting Toby to talk to her while she did. Instead, she heard a click. When she turned around she noticed that Toby had closed the door and he looked nervous.  
  
"Toby?" She walked closer to him.  
  
"Um, they have." He rubbed his forehead and looked at the floor. "CJ, they've found pictures."  
  
CJ took a step back, letting it all sink in. When she hadn't said anything for a minute Toby looked worriedly at her.  
  
"CJ? Are you okay?" He gently put his hand on her arm.  
  
"Yeah, I just." She walked over to the couch and sat down.  
  
Toby silently sat down next to her. He waited for her to say the first words. When he had gotten the call he had reacted the same way CJ was now.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door. "Time for your briefing, boss." Carol said without going into the office.  
  
CJ looked at the door and then at Toby, telling him everything with her eyes. Toby nodded and walked out to Carol.  
  
"Hey," he said.  
  
She looked up and smiled. "Hey, Toby. What can I do for you?"  
  
"Can you please have Henry do the briefing? CJ's not feeling alright."  
  
Carol looked worried because her boss was almost never sick. "What's the matter?"  
  
Toby rolled on his heels while he was trying to think of a good answer. He didn't want to say too much.  
  
"It's just. If someone asks, say she didn't feel well."  
  
"Toby."  
  
"And if they ask anything more," Toby interrupted, "tell them the White House doesn't comment on the staff's personal lives."  
  
Carol nodded and rose. "Okay," she said before grabbing her files and leaving.  
  
Toby took a deep breath and returned to CJ's office. When he closed the door behind him he noticed that she was sitting in the exact same position as she had when he went out to talk to Carol.  
  
"CJ, we knew this day was coming." He gently brushed his fingers against her hand and she turned to look at him.  
  
"Yeah, I know," she said quietly. "It's just. We've been in the White House for more than four years now. I just, I thought."  
  
"I know," he said softly.  
  
"We're going to get fired," she whispered. "Leo will be furious, the President will be disappointed and Josh and Sam won't understand why we didn't trust them enough to tell them."  
  
"Calm down, CJ. We haven't done anything wrong."  
  
He brushed his fingers against her cheek and she turned to look at him.  
  
"I just. I'd wish they'd never found out," she whispered. "It hurts too much to."  
  
She closed her eyes for a short moment to calm down. The she realized something.  
  
"Toby, what's Andy going to say? She'll kill us."  
  
"CJ, don't worry about her. Just, don't worry. I'll take care of this."  
  
He took her hand in his, moving it to his lips. He gently kissed her on the knuckles and she smiled slightly.  
  
"Okay," she whispered.  
  
TBC. 


	2. New York, July 1981

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ New York, July 1981 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ followed Janine into the small coffeehouse.  
  
"What kind of place is this?" Janine said in a mock tone.  
  
CJ didn't answer knowing Janine wasn't expecting any. Instead, she just followed her silently to an empty table.  
  
"I think it looks nice," CJ said when they sat down. "It's not like those expensive and chic ones on Manhattan but it's nice and cosy."  
  
Janine raised an eyebrow. "Cosy? My god, Claudia Jean!" She turned around and began waiving towards the counter.  
  
After a short moment a man in their age walked up to their table. He smiled slightly as he took out his pad and pencil from his chestpocket.  
  
"What can I get you two?" He asked politely.  
  
"Just coffee," Janine said. "With milk."  
  
"Of course, miss." He turned to CJ. "And you?"  
  
"Um, coffee with milk and a chocolate muffin, please."  
  
"It'll be right up," the young man said and left them alone.  
  
CJ looked after him and couldn't help smiling. It was something about him that she liked.  
  
"God, Claudia, stop starring!" Janine said harshly. "Oh and by the way, do you know much fat there is in a muffin?"  
  
CJ sighed and didn't answer. Instead, she looked at the man behind the counter as he was pouring coffee into two cups. He didn't seem very comfortable with the job but it made him even more charming. CJ blushed when she realized she was starring at him. It wasn't like her. She heard Janine's words in her head and forced herself to turn and look at Janine who was reading a magazine.  
  
"Here's your coffee," the waiter said and placed two cups in front of them.  
  
"Thank you," CJ said and smiled softly.  
  
He smiled back and then returned to the counter.  
  
Janine sipped her coffee. "Claudia, I have to warn you. The coffee ain't tasting especially good."  
  
"I like it," CJ said.  
  
Janine just shook her head and began reading her magazine again. After a moment she looked up.  
  
"Where's your muffin by the way?"  
  
CJ looked at the table. "Oh, he must have forgotten it."  
  
"I told you this was a cheap place."  
  
CJ took a deep breath. "I'll go and get it myself."  
  
She noticed Janine's disapproval look but didn't care. She walked over to the counter. The man had his back towards her and she decided to wait for him to notice her. After a short moment he turned around. When he noticed CJ he blushed.  
  
"Hi again. What can I do for you?"  
  
"My muffin. You forgot it."  
  
The man blushed even more. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Here, it's on the house. The coffee is as well."  
  
"Don't be silly. You just forgot to give me a muffin. We'll pay like every other normal guests."  
  
He smiled softly at her. "But what if it's not on the house because I forgot it?"  
  
CJ looked confused at him.  
  
"It's on me, okay?"  
  
She smiled. "Why?"  
  
He shrugged and looked away briefly. "Just because I want too."  
  
She smiled slightly. "Okay. Thank you." She read his name on the tag on his shirt. ".Toby."  
  
As she turned around and walked back to her table he murmured a soft, "You're welcome."  
  
TBC. 


	3. California, December 1981

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, December 1981 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ was on town doing her last Christmas-shopping with Janine. It was only three days till Christmas Day and she still had most of her gifts to buy.  
  
"Claudia, I've never understood why you're always waiting till last minute to do this," Janine said as they entered their favorite coffeehouse.  
  
"Janine, haven't you always gotten your present on Christmas Day?" CJ asked and raised an eyebrow.  
  
Janine didn't answer. "Yeah, whatever. It's just that I have other things to do than go Christmas-shopping with you three days before Christmas."  
  
"No one's forcing you," CJ said loudly.  
  
Janine leaned over the table and looked angrily at her. "Claudia Jean, keep your mouth shut." CJ sighed and did as she was told. She had gotten used to Janine telling her what to do. Janine took up another one of those magazines and CJ sighed.  
  
"You know what?" CJ said. "I don't want coffee anymore. I think I'll go shopping instead. On my own."  
  
Before Janine had the chance to say anything CJ was already out the door. She walked towards the bookstore. Books had always been her safe card to give away to her family. It was crowded in the bookstore but CJ felt freer than she had during the entire day with Janine. CJ couldn't help smiling to herself, as she thought about Janine alone at the coffeehouse.  
  
When she was going to grab a book on a shelf someone pushed her on the side and she lost control of her balance and fell to the floor. A couple of books fell on her and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and starred at her. CJ turned red and begun moving away the books. "Let me help you," a young man said and hurried towards her.  
  
He bent down and helped her move away the books. Then he helped her up.  
  
"Thanks," CJ said quietly, still very embarrassed.  
  
She looked up at him and smiled slightly.  
  
"Have we met before?" She asked after a while.  
  
He slowly shook his head. "I don't think so, miss."  
  
CJ was even more confused. It was something very familiar about him.  
  
"I never forget a face," she said. "I'm afraid you're mistaken this time, though."  
  
CJ slowly nodded, thinking she must have mistaken. "I'm sorry," she said. "Thanks for the help."  
  
He smiled and walked away. She looked after him as he walked to a shelf in the back of the store. She could have sworn she had seen him somewhere else. She was still starring at him when he turned around. She quickly looked away but noticed that he was walking towards her.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to stare. It's just."  
  
"You recognize me," he filled in and she nodded.  
  
He just looked at her for a moment and for a brief moment he thought he recognized her as well. He suddenly realized he didn't want her to leave.  
  
"I have a confession to make," he said without thinking. "It was I who pushed you. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have fallen."  
  
She laughed a little but didn't say anything.  
  
Unconsciously he shrugged and did something he never would have had guts to do otherwise. "Listen, do you want to join me for a cup of coffee?"  
  
She smiled slightly. "Are you trying to make up to me for pushing me?"  
  
He shrugged and looked away briefly. "No. I'm asking simply because I want to have coffee with you."  
  
She suddenly realized where she had seen this man before. She began smiling.  
  
"Okay," she said. "Coffee sounds nice." As they left the bookstore she turned to him. "You didn't happen to be in New York this summer?"  
  
TBC. 


	4. California, August 1983

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, August 1983 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"You may kiss the bride." Toby smiled softly and lifted the vale off CJ's face. He noticed she had tears in her eyes. He gently wiped them away before he leaned closer and softly placed his lips on hers. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him one more time.  
  
"Okay, get a room."  
  
They stopped kissing and turned to David, Toby's brother and best man. They both began laughing and Toby kissed her lightly on the lips once more.  
  
CJ walked over to the table where her parents where seated.  
  
"Aren't you two going to dance?" She asked and nodded towards the floor.  
  
She smiled at Toby who was dancing with his older sister, after dancing non- stop with her for half an hour.  
  
"Maybe later," her father said and placed his hand over hers. "Claudia, are you happy?"  
  
"Of course I am, dad!" She smiled. "This is going to be great. I can feel it." When her father didn't say anything she became worried. "Dad? You do like Toby, right?"  
  
He smiled slightly. "Of course I do and I truly believe you couldn't gotten a better husband than he. It's just hard to see your only daughter get married, I suppose."  
  
CJ leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek. Then she turned to her mother.  
  
"How did you like the ceremony, mom?"  
  
"It was nice. I just wish he hadn't wore those weird clothes."  
  
"Mom! The clothes weren't weird. Only you thought so because you're so conservative! He let me have everything my way when it came to the wedding. The least I could do is let him wear whatever he wants. Besides it's his culture." A frown appeared between her eyebrows. "Does it bother you that he is Jewish?"  
  
Her mother shifted in the chair and looked away. "Lets just say I'd been happier if you had married a Catholic man."  
  
CJ stood up. "Well, I hadn't and that's what matters. Now if you'll excuse me."  
  
She hurried to the bathroom. Once there she silently began to sob. She cursed herself for crying on her wedding day and that her mother was the reason. After she had met Toby in the bookstore one and a half-year ago she had completely changed. She refused to be ordered around by people like Janine and her mother. She didn't let her mother get to her anymore even if it had been hard when she had complained about Toby. The reason she had began crying now was that she had hoped that her mother would have backed off, if only for today, because it was, after all, her only daughter's wedding-day.  
  
Someone knocked lightly on the door. "Claude?"  
  
She couldn't help smiling. She had never met anyone like Toby. He cared about her in a way that was inhuman.  
  
She opened the door and let him in. "Hey."  
  
He stroked her cheek with his fingertips. "Hey, I saw you leaving."  
  
"Yeah. I just needed some privacy."  
  
"Do you want me to leave?"  
  
She smiled slightly and shook her head. "No. Just stay here with me for a while, okay?"  
  
He kissed her on the cheek. Then he put his arms around her and hugged her tightly.  
  
TBC. 


	5. New York, December 1984

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ New York, December 1984 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"I'm so glad you came out here to celebrate the New Year with us, Claudia," Mrs. Ziegler said and put her arm around CJ's waist.  
  
CJ smiled. "So are we, Anna. It's a shame it's an entire continent between us."  
  
"Tell me about it. How's school going by the way?"  
  
CJ thought for a short moment. "It's. it's going forward. Toby's great. He supports me in everything I do. I can't believe he actually lives in California just for me. It's so sweet. But I'm going to make it up to him."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
CJ smiled. "Yeah, when I've finished school we'll move to New York."  
  
Anna smiled brightly. "We would love that! And I know Toby would as well." She realized that in a way it had sounded like CJ stopped Toby to live in New York. "Not that he's happy in California now. It's just that." She smiled. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
Toby entered the kitchen silently. He put his arms around CJ's waist from behind and kissed her on the neck.  
  
"Hey," she said quietly. "I didn't see you there."  
  
"It's almost midnight," he whispered. "Want to go out and look at the fireworks?"  
  
She nodded and turned around. She lightly kissed him before taking his hand in hers. Then she turned to Anna.  
  
"Are you coming with us?"  
  
"You two go ahead. I'll go and get Julie."  
  
Toby put his arm around CJ's shoulder as they walked out in the garden. David and his wife Sarah were already out there looking up at the sky.  
  
"Have they started yet?" CJ asked.  
  
"A little," Sarah said.  
  
Toby looked at the time. "Five seconds to go." Then he turned to CJ. "Happy New Year," he whispered before kissing her.  
  
"Happy New Year," she whispered and kissed him again.  
  
As they watched the fireworks CJ leaned against Toby and he had his arms around her waist. He put his chin on her shoulder and lightly kissed her on the cheek.  
  
Half-turning to him, CJ whispered, "Guess what."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm pregnant," she said softly."  
  
TBC. 


	6. California, July 1985

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, July 1985 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby smiled softly as he walked down the hallway towards the waiting room. He opened the door to the small room and looked at his and CJ's gathered families.  
  
He smiled proudly. "It's a girl."  
  
Everyone in the room screamed and cheered and took turns in congratulating the father.  
  
"When can we see them?" Anna asked eagerly.  
  
Toby laughed. "They are both a sleep now. CJ's exhausted!"  
  
"You should think so," CJ's father said. "19 hours in labor. That's more than you, Mary." He looked at his wife and smiled.  
  
"Oh, Jack! Stop being such an ass."  
  
David rose and walked over to Toby. "Listen, why don't I drive mom, dad, Sarah and the twins to your house and we'll drop off our things, maybe have a meal and then we'll come back here." "Sounds like a good idea," Toby said and gave his brother his car-keys. "Thanks for flying out here in such a short notice."  
  
David grinned. "Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss this for the world. I'm just glad we could get a flight so quickly. Sometimes you're really lucky."  
  
Toby just smiled.  
  
"I'll buy cigars today," Julie said as he passed Toby.  
  
"Dad, we can't take her home until a week."  
  
Julie laughed. "It'll probably take a week for me to find good cigars in California."  
  
Julie winked at him and then he left.  
  
Toby turned to CJ's parents. He was glad that Jack and CJ's brothers, Michael and Richard were in the room.  
  
"Maybe you should go home and sleep," Toby suggested. "It's been a long day."  
  
Jack nodded. "You're probably right, son. We'll be back later as well."  
  
When Toby had said goodbye to CJ's family he returned to CJ's room. She was laying in her bed sleeping. Next to her bed was a small bed with the baby. He quietly walked over to the small bed and looked at his daughter. His eyes filled with tears as he saw her. He touched her hand so carefully he almost didn't. He gently brushed her cheek and then she opened her eyes. They were big, just like her mother's, and brown, just like her father's. He smiled proudly. She closed her eyes again but gripped Toby's finger in her hand. Toby sat down in the chair and just watched his daughter.  
  
"Hey, is she the only one you're going to care about now?"  
  
Toby smiled when he heard CJ's voice. He kissed her on the forehead and took her hand in his.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fine." She turned to look at their daughter. "Isn't she beautiful?"  
  
Toby sighed and nodded. "I can't believe she's our. That we've made her."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Me neither. Hey, come here."  
  
When he did she kissed him softly on the lips.  
  
"Just so you'll care about me a little from now on."  
  
"I'll never stop caring about you. Now I just have two beautiful angels to take care of. I can't believe how lucky I am."  
  
CJ smiled softly before yawning. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
  
"I'll be right here when you wake up," Toby whispered. "When both of you do."  
  
TBC. 


	7. New York, July 1987

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ New York, July 1987 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby and CJ were laying in the king-sized bed in his parents' guestroom. Between them, Haley was sleeping.  
  
"She's going to get so spoiled when she grows up," CJ mumbled.  
  
Toby smiled slightly. "Probably."  
  
CJ sighed. "Can you believe she's already been with us for two years? It feels like we just got home from the hospital."  
  
"Tell me about it. It won't take long until she leaves the house for college."  
  
"Don't say that, Toby. You're getting me all moody."  
  
She felt his hand on her hip and she smiled.  
  
"I just wish it could stay like this forever," CJ whispered. "You, me and Haley."  
  
"Really?"  
  
CJ was quiet for a short moment trying to understand what Toby was getting at. "Don't you?"  
  
He moved his hand to her upper arm and gently stroked it up and down. "Well, I always kind of hoped for a big family," he said slowly.  
  
CJ smiled. "Oh."  
  
"How do you feel about that?"  
  
"I think that'd be nice," she said after a while.  
  
She could almost see Toby grin. Suddenly, he groaned loudly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just wish Haley wasn't between us right now," he muttered. "Actually, I wish she wasn't even in the room."  
  
CJ giggled quietly. She got out of bed and moved Haley a bit further to the edge. Then she walked around the bed and looked down at Toby.  
  
"Care to move a bit?"  
  
Toby moved in to the middle and held up the cover for her. She lay down next to him and he put his arm around her.  
  
"Have I told you that I love you today?" He whispered before kissing her on the neck.  
  
She laughed a little. "Yes, about hundred times. But feel free to say it again."  
  
"I love you," he whispered.  
  
She turned to him and smiled. "I love you too. More than I ever thought was possible to love anyone." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Now sleep. The faster we get to sleep the sooner we can go home and start working on our new kid."  
  
"I like that idea," Toby softly murmured in her ear.  
  
TBC. 


	8. California, Mars 1988

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, Mars 1988 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby ran down the hallway although he didn't know where he was going. He bumped into a nurse who fell to the floor. He stopped and helped her up.  
  
"I'm so sorry!" He said. "My wife, my wife and my daughter." his voice cracked.  
  
"Sir, can you tell me your name and the name of your wife and daughter?"  
  
Toby began hyperventilating and the nurse helped him to sit down in a chair.  
  
"It's okay. Take deep breaths," she said as she massaged his back. "Now, can you tell me your name?"  
  
"I'm. I'm. Toby. Ziegler."  
  
"And your wife's name?"  
  
"Claude.", he whispered.  
  
The nurse rose. "Just wait here, sir, and I'll go and see where they are."  
  
Toby just nodded.  
  
The nurse hurried over to the reception.  
  
"Anita, have you seen a file with Ziegler?"  
  
"Yeah, it was here just a second ago."  
  
They began looking after the file.  
  
"Anita, Jane," Dr. Lewis said quietly and leaned against the counter.  
  
"Dr. Lewis, you look horrible," Jane said before she could stop herself.  
  
Dr. Lewis managed to smile slightly at Jane's comment. "We just lost a 2- year-old girl."  
  
He threw the file he held in his hand on the counter and left.  
  
"Jane, this one's named Ziegler."  
  
Jane picked up the file and whispered, "Oh, no."  
  
Toby looked at the time. He didn't know for how long he had been sitting in that chair but he couldn't stay there anymore. He needed to find out where CJ and Haley were. He began walking down the hallways again, this time slowly. He looked at every bed and into every room in search of his family.  
  
"Excuse me? Mr. Ziegler?"  
  
He turned around and the nurse from before was walking slowly towards him.  
  
"You know where my wife and daughter are?"  
  
"Mr. Ziegler, if you could come with me you can talk to their doctor."  
  
Jane turned around and began walking down the hallway with Toby close behind.  
  
"So, they're okay?" He asked innocently.  
  
Jane stopped for a short moment and closed her eyes. Then she quickly began walking again.  
  
She bit her lower lip. "I don't know, sir."  
  
Jane showed him to Dr. Lewis office. Dr. Lewis offered him to sit down but Toby stood. He had a bad feeling about this.  
  
"How's my family?" He managed to stammer out after a moment of silence.  
  
"Mr. Ziegler, please sit down," Dr. Lewis begged.  
  
"Doctor! My family!" Toby said impatiently.  
  
Dr. Lewis took a deep breath. "Your wife's condition is stabile but she has lost a lot of blood."  
  
"Does that mean she's going to be okay?"  
  
"Likely," Dr. Lewis said quietly and his heart ached when he saw how relieved Toby looked. "Mr. Ziegler, she was pregnant," he continued.  
  
Toby nodded, not understanding where this was going. "Yeah, sixth month."  
  
When the doctor didn't say anything Toby sat down in a chair and gripped the armrests firmly. "Doctor, how's the baby?"  
  
Dr. Lewis swallowed and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. There was nothing we could do. When your wife came to the hospital the baby was already lost."  
  
Toby swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly nodded. The doctor was surprised at how calmly this man took the information. He believed he wouldn't be as calm after he told him about Haley.  
  
Toby put a hand to his forehead and silently begged that Haley was okay. "What about my other baby? What about Haley? Is she okay?" He said without looking up, still begging God that he had protected her.  
  
When the doctor didn't say anything he looked up.  
  
"There was nothing we could do, sir. I'm so sorry."  
  
TBC. 


	9. California, April 1988

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, April 1988 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby slowly walked up the stairs with the tray with food. Everything seemed so much harder now. A simple thing like walking up the stairs felt like he was climbing Mount Everest. Every morning when he woke up and realized it all wasn't just a bad dream he got out of bed and down in the living room and watched pictures of Haley and pictures from the ultrasound of their unborn baby. In the beginning he had tried to search comfort in CJ, but she had changed dramatically. He didn't recognize her anymore.  
  
He sat down the tray on the nightstand and then he sat down on the bed next to her. He gently brushed her cheek and put a stray of hair behind her ear.  
  
"Claude? Can you wake up for me, please?"  
  
CJ slowly opened her eyes but closed them again. She turned so her back was facing him. Toby looked down and sighed.  
  
"Claude? Can't you just eat a little?"  
  
When she didn't answer he left her alone. He walked downstairs and watched the pictures again. It was all he had left. He took out a bottle of scotch and poured up his first drink.  
  
Later, he heard a ringing sound, but really not. He picked up the phone but the ringing continued. He took another sip of his drink and stumbled towards the door.  
  
"David," he said quietly. "How nice of you to come and visit."  
  
David stepped into the house and closed the door. Without a word he put his arms around Toby. At first he tried to get out of his grip but David was stronger, always had been, and after a moment Toby allowed himself to be comforted.  
  
The next day Toby woke up on the couch. He had a hell of a headache. He looked at the table and saw two glassed and two bottles of scotch. Had CJ finally got out of bed last night and gotten drunk with him?  
  
"So you finally decided to wake up?" A familiar voice asked.  
  
Toby sat up in the couch and smiled slightly at David. "What time is it?"  
  
"Two."  
  
"Where's Claude? I better go and check on her."  
  
David held up his hand. "Don't. Leave her alone for a while."  
  
Toby nodded and sat back against the couch. "When did you arrive last night?"  
  
"Around eight. I felt so bad when I had to leave so quickly after. after the funeral."  
  
Toby shrugged. "I understood why you had to leave, David."  
  
"I wish you two had come out to New York for a while. It would have done you good."  
  
"Probably." He sighed. "Have you talked to Claude?"  
  
"A little," David admitted but Toby knew he wasn't telling him the whole truth.  
  
Toby gently began rubbing his temples. "David, it's okay if she has talked a lot with you. It's okay if she has cried against your shoulder. I'm just happy she's showing some kind of emotions. Some kind of life."  
  
A moment of silence spread in the room.  
  
"She's blaming herself," David suddenly said. "And she doesn't understand why you're staying with her."  
  
"It wasn't her fault!" Toby raised his voice.  
  
"You know that, and I know that, but she doesn't. Toby, you have to make her understand. Whatever it takes."  
  
Later that afternoon David went out shopping groceries for them considering Toby had lived on scotch and cigars lately and CJ on nothing.  
  
Toby slowly walked up the stairs. He didn't know why but today the stairs didn't seem as hard as usual. She was laying on the bed with her eyes closed but Toby knew she wasn't sleeping. He lay down net to her on the bed and took her hand in his. At first she tried to pull back but he didn't let her.  
  
"Claude, can you just listen to me for a while?" He turned to her and put his elbow on the bed and then let his head rest against his hand. "Can you do that for me?"  
  
She closed her eyes briefly but then she nodded. She already had tears in her eyes.  
  
"Claude, I'm not going to leave you. Never. It doesn't matter how much you try to shut me out and it doesn't matter what you say to me. I'm never ever going to leave you."  
  
He looked at her. Her eyes were closed but tears were running down her cheeks.  
  
"I love you, and I always will. Nothing is ever going to change that. And I know that what happened wasn't your fault. The other driver was drunk and he's in jail now. If it had been your fault he wouldn't be there now. Claude, Claudia, please stop blaming yourself. No one else do."  
  
He put his arm around her and she rolled into his embrace. She silently sobbed against his shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just. Toby, every day for the rest of my life I will know I killed my children." He began objecting but she put her finger on his mouth. "It doesn't matter what other think or that the other driver is in jail now. What matter is that I know that I killed them. I could have protected them better. And, Toby, I do blame myself because it was my fault. And I understand if you blame me as well. That's okay, Toby, because it's not more than right."  
  
She gently stroked his cheek before turning her back against him, again.  
  
TBC. 


	10. California, August 1988

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, August 1988 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ was sitting on the couch watching him pack his things into large suitcases.  
  
"Do you have to go?" She whispered.  
  
He turned to her and she shrugged because she had never seen his eyes like that before. "I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you'd be happy now when you finally got me to leave!"  
  
"Toby." She began to sob. "I'm sorry. I'll change. I promise, I'll get a job or start school again."  
  
Toby sighed. "I want to believe you so much but you've said that at least five times the last two months. Claude, I'm not changing my mind this time."  
  
She bit her lower lip. "You promised never to leave me. No matter what I did or said," she silently said.  
  
He looked at her and CJ thought it looked as if he had aged a hundred years the last six months.  
  
"I guess I was wrong."  
  
He slowly walked over to the couch. He took her hand and gently squeezed it.  
  
"One thing I said wasn't wrong, though. I will always love you, Claude. No matter what." He kissed her on the cheek. "I'll send you the divorce papers as soon as possible. I'll stay with David and Sarah until I found something of my own. Take care."  
  
He picked up his bags and opened the door. Before he left he turned to look at her one more time. Before the tears came he left.  
  
TBC. 


	11. California, May 1989

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, May 1989 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"CJ, you have a visitor," Mary said over the intercom.  
  
"Who is it?" CJ asked.  
  
"He says his name is David Ziegler."  
  
"Oh my god," CJ whispered. "Let him in."  
  
She met David at the door and he hugged her tightly.  
  
"Hey, Claudia," he said quietly.  
  
She walked back around her desk and sat down against it. "It's CJ now," she said in her most professional tone.  
  
David raised an eyebrow and smiled. "What?"  
  
"Yeah, it's CJ Cregg now. Not Claudia or Claudia Jean, just CJ."  
  
David nodded, obviously surprised by his former brother in law's coldness.  
  
"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Work. I just thought I'd go and check how you were. It was so long ago since we heard from you. We've been worried."  
  
She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Yeah, I can imagine. I'm fine, thank you very much."  
  
David smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I can tell." He looked around in her huge office.  
  
"How's Sarah and the kids?" She asked politely.  
  
"They're fine."  
  
CJ swallowed but forced herself to ask him. "And Toby?"  
  
David looked uncomfortable. "He's. actually we don't have that much contact anymore."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Claudia. CJ, after he left you I honestly couldn't stand looking at him. I despise him for leaving you at a time when you needed him the most."  
  
CJ took a deep breath and smiled slightly. "David, both you and I know that all Toby could do was to leave. If he had stayed with me it had killed him. And I probably hadn't started a new life either. It was for the best."  
  
David shrugged. "Still, we miss you."  
  
CJ smiled and for the first time David recognized her as she was before.  
  
"I appreciate that you still care for me but you can't let me come between you and Toby."  
  
David didn't say anything.  
  
"CJ, Mr. Collins is here," Mary said over the intercom.  
  
"Just give me a minute."  
  
CJ rose and David did the same.  
  
"I was hoping we could have had lunch", he said quietly.  
  
She smiled slightly. "I'm sorry, my schedule is full this week. Maybe some other time."  
  
David nodded. "Yeah. If you ever come to New York you know where to find us."  
  
David hugged her gently. CJ opened the door for him and he left. She took a deep breath and noticed Mr. Collins waiting in a chair.  
  
"Excuse me, Mr. Collins, could you just give me a couple of minutes?"  
  
He nodded. CJ returned to her office and closed the door. She put her hands over her face and took several deep breaths. One single tear ran down her cheek. Angrily, she wiped it away and took a look at herself in the mirror before letting Mr. Collins in.  
  
TBC. 


	12. New York, Novemeber 1989

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ New York, November 1989 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ sat down on a bench in the back row. She saw Toby on the first row with his head down. His shoulders were slightly shaking and CJ could tell he was crying. She wanted nothing more than to go over to him and put her arm around his shoulders. David was sitting next to Toby and on the other side was a woman. A woman CJ didn't know. She had long red hair and she had her hand on Toby's shoulder. CJ shrugged thinking it must be a cousin or something.  
  
When they carried the casket out of the church CJ made herself as small as possible on the bench. Fortunately, Toby was walking on the other side so he didn't see her. David who was walking on the other side softly smiled at her, silently thanking her for coming.  
  
Later, when they had buried Anna, David and Sarah approached CJ who had been waiting outside the church. She still wasn't sure what to say to Toby.  
  
"Claudia. I'm sorry, CJ," David said and hugged her. "I'm so glad you came. It would have meant a lot to mom."  
  
"She was a wonderful person." CJ regretted saying that immediately because it sounded to cliché.  
  
Sarah gently placed her hand on CJ's arm. "You're coming to the reception, aren't you?"  
  
CJ shifted a bit uncomfortable. "I don't know. It'll probably be weird and."  
  
"Claudia!"  
  
She turned around and smiled when she saw Julie. He was slowly walking towards her with his arms outstretched. She met him halfway and hugged him.  
  
"Julie, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Thanks. It means so much to me that you're here. Do you have your own car?"  
  
"I took a cab."  
  
"Then you're going with us to David and Sarah's." CJ looked uncomfortable and Julie frowned. "Claudia, you are coming to the reception, aren't you?"  
  
After a short moment CJ smiled. "Of course I am."  
  
Julie put his arm around her waist and they slowly walked towards the car.  
  
Toby took Andy's hand in his and they slowly began walking.  
  
"Who's that?" Andy said suddenly.  
  
Toby looked up. "Who?"  
  
"The woman Julie's walking with."  
  
When Toby noticed her he stopped, not believing it. Andy looked worriedly at him.  
  
"Toby? Toby, do you know who that woman is?"  
  
"It's uh. it's." he stammered.  
  
David opened the door and Julie got in the car. Before CJ followed him she turned around and she noticed Toby starring at her. They locked eyes for what seemed like several minutes but for real wasn't even a second. CJ smiled slightly, almost unnoticeable before stepping in to the car.  
  
Andy gently shook Toby's arm. "Toby, who was that?"  
  
"It was. just an old friend."  
  
Andy looked confused at him but decided not to ask any more questions.  
  
Julie took CJ's hand in his and gently squeezed it. CJ closed her eyes and leaned her head back. She had thought she had been prepared to see him, but apparently not. She hadn't thought it would hurt so much but it did. She regretted that she had flied out here. All she wanted to do now was to go home and never think of Toby again.  
  
Sarah turned around and looked sympathetically at her. "CJ, we're so sorry. When David called you we didn't know about Andy."  
  
CJ looked confused at her. "Andy?"  
  
Sarah looked away briefly before taking a deep breath. "It's new, CJ. It probably won't last. They met at work and."  
  
"Is she nice?" CJ interrupted.  
  
Sarah looked confused but then slowly nodded. "Good," CJ said almost inaudible.  
  
Julie and CJ were sitting in the couch looking at pictures that had been taken when CJ and Toby had visited them when they were still married and happy. CJ noticed that Julie, or maybe it had been Anna, had taken away all pictures with Haley. When she thought about her little girl she got tears in her eyes. Julie noticed and gently brushed her cheek.  
  
"Claudia, we haven't forgot her. We just. Anna wanted to take them away for a while and then she got sick."  
  
"It's okay, Julie. I just. I need to get some fresh air."  
  
Julie let her go. CJ quickly walked to the entrance and out on the porch. She put her arms around her body and hugged herself. She hadn't thought of how cold it was in New York in November. Suddenly, she felt someone putting her coat on her shoulders. CJ quickly turned but just as quickly looked away when she saw who it was.  
  
"I thought you might be cold," Toby said and made a weak attempt of smiling.  
  
"Thank you," she said after a short moment. "Um, how are you?"  
  
She had to restrain herself and her body parts to not put her arms around him.  
  
"Well, you know how it is. Your mother passed away and."  
  
She allowed herself to place her hand on his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Toby. Too many people have died from you."  
  
He turned his head a bit and softly began kissing her hand. CJ closed her eyes, cursing herself for not being strong enough to pull away.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Toby quickly turned around and CJ took a step away from him.  
  
"Andy," Toby said.  
  
An awkward silence spread between them.  
  
Toby was the first to speak. "I'm sorry. Andy, this is Claude. ia Jean Cregg. Claudia, this is Andrea Wyatt."  
  
Andy smiled and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you, Claudia."  
  
"Just call me CJ."  
  
CJ pretended not to notice Toby's raised eyebrows.  
  
Andy laughed a little. "And you can call me Andy."  
  
CJ just nodded, wanted to leave or at least Andy to leave.  
  
As Toby had read her mind he said, "Andy, could you just give us a couple of minutes?"  
  
Andy looked suspiciously at them but then she nodded. Before she left she kissed Toby on the cheek.  
  
"I'm sorry about that," Toby said when she had closed the door.  
  
"No, don't be sorry. How long have you two been going out?"  
  
"Just a couple of months."  
  
"Do you like her?"  
  
Toby shrugged but then nodded.  
  
CJ smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. "Well, that's. I'm happy for you."  
  
"I didn't know you were coming. If I had known I hadn't asked Andy to come."  
  
"Why, why not? Toby, you and me, we're." She swallowed. ". over. There is no you and me anymore. I'm just glad that you're moving on with your life."  
  
Toby studied her, trying to tell is she was lying or not. "What about you?" He asked after a while. "Any new man in your life?"  
  
CJ smiled and shook her head. "No, I've been busy working. Does she know? I mean about us."  
  
Toby slowly shook his head and CJ thought he almost looked a bit a shamed.  
  
A moment of silence passed between them. Then Toby took a step closer to her.  
  
"It's nice this, huh? Talking like old friends."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Toby looked away. "Maybe we can, maybe after today, when you've left, maybe we can stay in touch?"  
  
"I would like that, Toby."  
  
"I've missed you. You're still the best friend I've ever had."  
  
She gently put her hand on his arm. "Same goes for me."  
  
Toby opened his mouth but then closed it again. He shifted uncomfortable.  
  
"Would it be okay if I hugged you?"  
  
"Yeah," she said softly as he put his arms around her.  
  
TBC. 


	13. California, Septemper 1990

A/N: First of all, my sincere apologies for the last part. I did a huge mistake, clearly, by not make sure how a Jewish funeral is held. I didn't do it to upset or offend anyone I just forgot to check facts. I hope it didn't ruin the part too much. Again, I'm sorry.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, September 1990 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CJ was laying in bed with a few papers Mary had stuck in her bag before she left work. CJ picked up the phone not taking her eyes away from the paper she was reading.  
  
"CJ Cregg."  
  
At first it was silent in the other end but then she heard a noise that sounded like a sarcastic laugh.  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"CJ, CJ, CJ Cregg," a man slurred. "I don't even remember when you became CJ and stopped being Claude."  
  
CJ closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. "Toby, you're drunk." She looked at the time. "Why are you calling me now anyway? It must be in the middle of the night over there."  
  
Ignoring what she just said, he slurred, "I missed you today."  
  
CJ threw the document on the desk and sighed. "What did you expect me to do? I'm not watching my ex-husband get married to another woman."  
  
"I thought we were friends. Friends are there for each other, right?"  
  
CJ swallowed the lump in her throat. "Toby, we are friends and I am here for you. I just. I couldn't see you get married. Don't you understand that?" He didn't say anything. "What are you doing calling me on your wedding-night anyway? Shouldn't you be with Andy?"  
  
"She's sleeping."  
  
"Then go lie next to her. Hold her and tell her you love her."  
  
"I love you," he said simply.  
  
CJ put a hand to her forehead and sighed. "Don't do this."  
  
"I do, though. Always have, always will."  
  
"I'm hanging up now."  
  
"CJ, Claude." He said, desperate to not make her hang up.  
  
"Congratulations and good luck with your new marriage," she said quietly. "Bye, Toby."  
  
Without waiting for his response she hung up the phone.  
  
TBC. 


	14. New York, Mars 1995

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to post a new part. My computer was broken and for a while all my files we're missing so now I'm just happy I have them back. Anyway, now I'll hopefully be able to continue to post a new part every day until the last.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ New York, Mars 1995 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby kissed Andy on the cheek and put his arms around her from behind. "Andy, don't be mad at me."  
  
"I'm not," she said with a deep sigh. "I just don't understand why she has to stay here." "I've already told you. I invited her here. I haven't seen her in nine months and now she and I finally had a free weekend at the same time." He turned his wife around so she was facing him. "And I knew you wouldn't let me go to California so I asked her to come here," he continued with a bitter tone.  
  
"Do you blame me?" Andy said loudly. "You've dated her!"  
  
Toby looked away. He had never told Andy the truth about his and CJ's relationship and he had begged his family not to either. He had planned to tell her but as time passed Andy noticed how attached Toby was to CJ and he knew that telling the truth would only make it worse.  
  
He moved a hand to his forehead. "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't love CJ anymore, at least not in that way."  
  
Andy turned to him with angry eyes. "That's the problem, Toby. Even if you're not *in* love with her you act like it. It's always CJ this and CJ that! When something good happens she's your first call. When something bad happens she's your first call."  
  
Toby reached out his hand but she moved away from him. She had tears in her eyes and breathed heavily.  
  
"I just. Toby, I'm not going to be here when she arrives. I'll go and see my parents for the weekend."  
  
As much as Toby wanted his wife to stay he couldn't help but feel joy of having a weekend alone with CJ.  
  
When she arrived at Friday night Andy wasn't there, as promised. After dinner Toby and CJ sat down in the living room with a glass of wine.  
  
"Where's Andy?" CJ asked.  
  
Toby shifted uncomfortable on the couch and CJ smiles sadly.  
  
"Come on, you knew I would ask."  
  
"She has gone to visit her parents," he said after a brief moment of silence.  
  
"Oh," CJ said and sipped her drink.  
  
Toby sighed, moving a hand to his forehead. CJ knew Andy wasn't too fond of her and even if she'd never admit it, it made her sad. Toby was a big part of her life and if his wife didn't like her she wasn't sure of how much Toby she was going to have left in her life.  
  
"I'm sorry," Toby said quietly.  
  
CJ tried to smile. "Don't be. When is she coming home? Do I get to see her?"  
  
Toby smiled slightly because CJ was really trying.  
  
She relaxed and couldn't help to feel a bit satisfied when he told her she wouldn't.  
  
"Hey, can't you come and sit here?" Toby asked suddenly and patted the empty spot on the couch right next to him.  
  
"Probably best if I didn't," she said and smiled because he was flirty tonight and if he was in that mood it wouldn't take long for her to be either.  
  
"You should have told her," she said quietly holding her glass tighter with both hands. He groaned. "I know. Now it's too late though. She would file for divorce if she found out about us now."  
  
For a minute they just sat quiet, looking at each other. CJ was the first to look away.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" She asked. "About Andy, I mean. You probably won't like it."  
  
"Probably not, but go ahead." He looked expectantly at her.  
  
"You can't go to California to see me because Andy's afraid of us being alone at my house, right?" Toby slowly nodded. "Then how come she dares to leave us alone here?"  
  
Toy shrugged, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Maybe too many memories in California", he said finally and poured up another glass of wine for himself.  
  
CJ didn't say anything. It was probably the right answer.  
  
"I've missed you," he blurted out. "It isn't enough to see you a weekend two times a year. At least not for me."  
  
She shrugged and smiled softly. "I guess that's the price you have to pay for putting an entire continent between us."  
  
"I guess," he said slowly.  
  
They were quiet for a while, both thinking of what to say and what to not say.  
  
"So, how's marriage?" She asked.  
  
"It's good. We're trying to get pregnant," he admitted.  
  
"Oh," CJ said.  
  
He sighed and put a hand to his forehead and rubbed it. "I don't know, though. We've been trying for a long time."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Toby smiled. "It's not your fault."  
  
CJ looked away and Toby knew what she was thinking.  
  
"CJ, don't. Don't do that to yourself."  
  
"What?" She asked innocently.  
  
"Think that if it wasn't because of you I would have had two kids now because that's a lie." CJ put her hands over her face, swallowing the lump in her throat. They never talked about the accident. She hadn't heard him mention Haley or Jacqueline, their unborn child, since the divorce.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Haley would have been ten years this year and Jackie."  
  
Toby held up a hand. "CJ, don't. Just don't."  
  
CJ nodded. Toby wasn't the type who talked about these kinds of things, at least not anymore. Maybe she had hurt him too much.  
  
"Listen, I'm going to bed now."  
  
As she walked pass him he took her hand in his. "Do you have to?"  
  
Without a word she slipped her hand out of his and walked towards the guestroom.  
  
The next morning she was already dressed and her bags were packed, when Toby entered the kitchen.  
  
"Are you going home?" He asked, not at all surprised.  
  
"Isobel called."  
  
Toby just nodded, letting her go.  
  
TBC. 


	15. California, December 1997

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ California, December 1997 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"I can't believe you fell into the pool," Toby chuckled.  
  
"I didn't have my contacts in and my glasses are broken!" CJ snapped.  
  
Toby held up his hands to defend himself.  
  
She left him alone in the living room. Five minutes later she returned with dry clothes on. She sat down next to him on the couch.  
  
"So, tell me about the others on the campaign."  
  
Toby sighed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just. I haven't seen you in almost a year and."  
  
"Toby! If someone offered you a job wouldn't you be interested about what kind of job it is?"  
  
"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry. Leo brought Josh Lyman. He used to work for Hoynes. Josh brought a friend, a lawyer. Sam Seaborn, I think."  
  
"You'd be my boss?"  
  
Toby shrugged. "Technically but I don't think anyone could tell you what to do. Except for maybe Leo and the Governor."  
  
CJ giggled a little but then turned serious. "Do you think we can win?"  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"Do you really think I can do this?"  
  
He looked up at her and nodded.  
  
"Then I trust you. When do I have to be in New Hampshire?"  
  
"As soon as possible. In a couple of days if that's possible."  
  
"That can be arranged. How long are you staying here?"  
  
"No time at all. I'm leaving tonight."  
  
CJ smiled softly at him and placed her hand over his.  
  
"So tell me. How's life? How's Andy?"  
  
Toby sighed, obviously uncomfortable.  
  
"Toby?"  
  
"It's not the same anymore, CJ. All we seem to do is argue and the fact that we can't have kids isn't helping."  
  
CJ gently hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Toby."  
  
Then she suddenly realized something and she closed her eyes. If she moved from California she would leave Haley and Jackie behind. When Toby noticed that she stiffened in his embrace he let her go. He put his fingers on her chin to make her look at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If I go," she said silently. "Toby, I don't want to leave Haley and Jackie alone here."  
  
Toby immediately felt guilty. He had left them nine years ago and he hadn't been at the churchyard very often since. He had only been there at the date of the accident every year. Sometimes he had met CJ but most of the times not. He knew CJ was there every week if not more.  
  
"CJ, I understand you but. I promise you, they are safe here. Just because we'll, against all odds, move to Washington won't mean they're not with us." He sighed and looked away. "I haven't been here enough and I know you hate me for it but they are always in my heart, CJ. Nothing can ever take that away."  
  
She smiled softly, with tears in her eyes. She leaned closer to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
"I'm coming with you tonight."  
  
"What about your things?"  
  
"It's just things, Toby. What does Andy think of this, by the way? Us working together?"  
  
"She understands."  
  
CJ realized he wasn't going to say anything more about that. She rose and pulled him with her.  
  
"What do we tell them? Are we letting them know about our past?"  
  
"CJ, our past is *ours*."  
  
She gently brushed his cheek. "Okay," she said softly. "So, do you want to go and say bye to Haley and Jackie?"  
  
"Yeah," he said softly and put his hand on the small of her back as they left her house.  
  
TBC. 


	16. The White House, Mars 2003

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The White House, Mars 2003 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"CJ, can you tell us anything about the article in The Times today?" Chris yelled.  
  
"Chris, if the Times haven't changed dramatically since I read it, this morning, to being a one article newspaper, I'm going to need you to be a bit more specific," CJ said, doing her best to smile.  
  
"The article about you and Toby Ziegler."  
  
CJ swallowed and looked down at her papers. When she looked up she noticed Toby in the back of the room.  
  
"The White House don't comment on the personal lives of the staff," she said, only looking at Toby. "And that's a full lid. Have a nice evening."  
  
As she walked out of the Pressroom, Carol did her best to keep her pace towards CJ's office.  
  
"CJ, the President wants you in the Oval."  
  
"Surprise, surprise."  
  
As she walked towards the Oval Office Josh caught up with her. He looked expectantly at her but she didn't say anything. When they came to Charlie's desk he looked at her with eyes that reminded her of a lost boy.  
  
"CJ," he said slowly. "You could have. you should have."  
  
She put her hand on his chest. "Josh, not now. Okay?"  
  
"The President's ready to see you now," Charlie said and sat down behind his desk, his eyes asking CJ too many questions.  
  
Toby, Sam and Leo were already there. The President was pacing in front of his desk. He made a gesture to CJ and Josh to sit down. It was quiet in the Oval Office, quieter than any of them were used too. The senior staff was nervously shifting in their chairs, looking at each other, looking at the President. Even Leo seemed a bit uncomfortable but CJ noticed the looks he gave Toby.  
  
"How was your trip to Chicago, Mr. President?" Sam asked finally.  
  
Everyone turned to look surprised at him. CJ couldn't help but smile a little.  
  
"My trip to Chicago, Sam?" Sam nodded. "It was great! Fantastic, to be honest. I haven't enjoyed a fundraiser that much since. well, since ever. But then, at the flight home I get this call and I get this newspaper and all of a sudden my people, people of my own starts to ask me questions about two senior staffers. 'Mr. President, is it true?' 'Mr. President, did you know about this?' 'Mr. President, why didn't you say anything about it?'" He sat down in one of the chairs and looked angrily at each one of them in the room.  
  
"Mr. President, is there anything you want us to do? I mean, me and CJ," Toby said nervously.  
  
CJ could tell he wanted to pace and smiled slightly.  
  
The President turned to look at Toby. "Funny that you of all people should ask that, Toby. I just. Explain to me why you lied to me, to us!" He angrily gestured at Leo, Josh and Sam.  
  
"We wanted to."  
  
"Because the past is ours," CJ interrupted and smiled softly at Toby.  
  
The President took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. "Leo."  
  
Leo rose. "Yeah. Sam, Josh."  
  
Josh and Sam looked a bit awkward at the President before following Leo to his office. When Leo had closed the door the President rose and began pacing again.  
  
"Mr. President," CJ said. "Can you please say something?"  
  
The President sat down again, this time next to Toby on the couch. He looked at CJ across the table then turned to look at Toby.  
  
"Is it all true? Everything the article says."  
  
CJ swallowed. "Yes it is, sir."  
  
He looked down at the floor and then back at CJ.  
  
"I'm so sorry," the President said slowly.  
  
Toby looked questioningly at him. "Mr. President?"  
  
"CJ, Toby, I can't even imagine how it must have been to lose your children."  
  
Toby and CJ looked surprised at the President. Then CJ looked away and blinked away her tears. Toby immediately walked over to her and covered her hand with his.  
  
"It's okay," he said quietly.  
  
"I just don't understand," the President said. "How could you not trust us, trust me, enough to say anything about this?"  
  
"Sir, when we first joined the campaign. It took an election for us to get to know each other so well as we do today and then it was already too late to tell you about it. We just, it's none of anyone else's business."  
  
"But, Toby, I'm not only your boss I am also your friend!"  
  
It was quiet again in the Oval Office. Then CJ looked up at the President.  
  
"What do you want us to do, sir? Do you want me, us, someone to resign? What do you want us to do?"  
  
The President smiled slightly. "That's totally up to you two. I'm not letting you go, though. If you want to tell the press about it, do so. If not, don't. Many people are going to have questions but even more people want the answers to those questions." The President paused briefly. "And to be honest with you, I'd also like to know what happened. But as I said, it's entirely up to you two." He put on his glasses. "Get out of here now. I have work to do."  
  
TBC. 


	17. The White House, Mars 2003

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The White House, Mars 2003 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
As CJ and Toby walked through the hallways towards her office they noticed everyone stopped what they were doing and they looked curiously at them. Toby put his hand on the small of her back, as it would give her strength.  
  
Toby closed the door to her office and leaned against his. "Safe." He tried to smile.  
  
CJ sat down behind the desk. "I can't believe this is happening. And now! Why would anyone write that story now? It just don't make any sense."  
  
Toby sat down on the couch. "CJ, don't waste your time thinking of that. What we have to decide now is what we're going to do about the whole thing."  
  
A single tear ran down CJ's cheek. "I just, it's a trespass in our personal lives, Toby. It's just, wrong!"  
  
Toby walked over to the desk and leaned against it, looking down at her. He was just about to say something when someone knocked on the door.  
  
"Yeah?" Toby said.  
  
Josh stuck in his head. "I'm sorry. Toby, Andy's on the phone."  
  
Toby looked at CJ, not sure if he wanted to leave her. But he realized he had to talk to Andy. He owed her an explanation.  
  
"Here we go," he said quietly to himself. "Don't leave her alone," he said to Josh before leaving.  
  
Josh slowly walked into the office and closed the door. He nervously rolled on his heels before taking a small step towards the desk. He tried to make CJ look at him but she had buried her face in her hands. He walked around the desk and put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Claudia Jean," he whispered.  
  
She looked up at him and smiled slightly. "I'm sorry."  
  
Josh shook his head. "No, I am. I shouldn't have asked you all those questions before. It's none of my business."  
  
She took his hand. "It is, though. You, you are like a brother to me and I didn't tell you because I don't trust you, because believe me, I do." She sighed. "It's just. it's a hard thing to talk about."  
  
Josh didn't say anything. CJ smiled and opened the bottom drawer in her desk. She handed Josh a photo. Josh held the picture as if it was made of glass.  
  
"Is this.?"  
  
CJ closed her eyes and nodded. "That's Haley, our eldest. We don't. I don't have any pictures of Jackie except for this."  
  
She gave him a piece of paper with the picture from an ultrasound. Josh studied the pictures for a long time without saying anything.  
  
"Josh.?" CJ looked worriedly at him and put her hand on his arm.  
  
He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "CJ, they are beautiful."  
  
She swallowed and gently rubbed his arm. "I know."  
  
Toby groaned. He had been on the phone with Andy for five minutes now and she had told him how much she hated and despised him for lying to her. So far, he hadn't been able to say a thing.  
  
"Andy!" He yelled when he was tired of her ranting. "Can you listen to me? Just for a minute? Please?"  
  
"Your minute has started."  
  
Toby took a deep breath and rubbed his temple. "Andy, you're an intelligent woman and I know that you understand why I chose not to tell you. Was it a cheap thing of me to do? Of course and I've regretted it every day but." He trailed off not knowing what more to say. "Toby, you should have told me. Now I'm sitting here with my big stomach with your babies. Do you realize how weird this is going to be? Do you realize what the press will say?"  
  
"Andy, I, I don't care about the press."  
  
"No, but you should care about CJ."  
  
She didn't say it angrily or even bitterly. It almost sounded friendly.  
  
"And you should care about the twins," she continued softly.  
  
"Yeah," he murmured.  
  
"Toby, I've had my minutes of yelling now. I'm not angry, just disappointed. But I've always known there was something more between you and CJ than just a couple of dates. Toby, there still is."  
  
"Andy, don't go there."  
  
"Yeah, okay." He could hear her smiling. "I'm going to let you go now."  
  
"Andy, I am really sorry."  
  
"I know."  
  
Without another word she hung up the phone.  
  
TBC. 


	18. The White House, April 2003

A/N: So, this is the final part and I have some notes to make, =). I'm not sure how many episodes Sam is going to be in these coming episodes but I chose to keep him in this fic. Just so you know, I haven't forgot he's leaving even though I wish I didn't. And I haven't seen any episodes with Will so that's why he isn't in this fic. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful feedback and all the reviews I got for this fic. It made me very happy! So, till we meet again... =)  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The White House, April 2003 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Toby helped CJ on with her jacket and then turned her around so she faced him.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She smiled. "Yeah. And you?"  
  
"Yeah," he said quietly.  
  
They turned to Josh and Sam on the couch. Sam had decided to stay in D.C. until the press conference was over.  
  
CJ walked over to them and smiled. "I just wanted to thank you two. You've both been such big support to me. Without you, I'd probably resigned by now."  
  
Josh reached out to take her hand in his. "Ceej, you're getting me all moody here!"  
  
CJ laughed and then pulled him up from the couch to hug him.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered softly.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door and Leo entered.  
  
"How is everyone?" He asked, a bit anxiously.  
  
After they had assured him everyone was fine he looked more relaxed.  
  
"The President wants to see you before the press conference so you better hurry."  
  
CJ quickly put her hand on Leo's arm and smiled softly at him before she hurried after Toby down the hallway towards the Oval Office.  
  
Leo turned to Sam and Josh. "They're going to be okay in there?"  
  
"Leo, it's CJ and Toby we're talking about," Sam said and grinned.  
  
Before they entered the Oval Office Toby stopped CJ and just looked at her.  
  
"Okay, Toby, you're kind of freaking me out."  
  
Toby blushed and moved a hand to his forehead. "I'm sorry. I just."  
  
She took his hand. "Everything will be fine. I swear."  
  
Toby just nodded and CJ opened the door to the Oval Office.  
  
"CJ, Toby!" the President said loudly. "Come in and sit down."  
  
"Thank you, Mr. President," CJ said. "How are."  
  
"Mr. President, with all due respect," Toby interrupted, "if you ask us how we're feeling I promise you I'll go crazy. I'll go crazy in the Oval Office."  
  
"That wouldn't be the first time," the President winked at him and Toby blushed. "Toby, why don't you leave me and CJ alone for a couple of minutes?" When he noticed that Toby nervously glanced at CJ he grinned. "Don't worry, I won't hurt her."  
  
CJ gently brushed his arm to reassure him she was okay. Without a word he left.  
  
"Claudia Jean, may I ask you how you are feeling?" the President asked softly.  
  
CJ smiled slightly. "Yes, you may, sir. I'm okay, I'm prepared and I'm going to be better in there than I've ever been."  
  
"That sounds good."  
  
"What I'm worried about, though, is Toby. Since this whole thing came out he's been watching me like a hawk. And as cute as it is it gets a bit overwhelming after a while. And I swear, if someone ask me a question I don't like, which I know will happen, Toby will probably beat the crap out of him."  
  
The President couldn't help grinning. "Tell me, CJ. You and Toby.?"  
  
CJ smiled and shook her head. "No, sir."  
  
"Okay," the President said slowly. "I guess I should let you go. It begins in less than two minutes."  
  
"Thank you, Mr. President."  
  
"Thank you, CJ."  
  
Outside, Toby was nervously pacing. Charlie looked at him and just shook his head.  
  
"He's being annoying?" CJ asked.  
  
Charlie didn't say anything just raised his eyebrows as answer to the question. CJ put her hand on Toby's shoulder.  
  
"Toby, you don't have to go in there with me."  
  
"I know that. I'm going too, though."  
  
CJ nodded. "Okay, just as long as you're sure that you can make this without hitting someone."  
  
Toby glared at her.  
  
CJ smiled softly and they began walking towards the Press Room. Leo, Josh and Sam waited for them outside. When they saw them they didn't say anything, just looked at them. CJ smiled appreciatively but Toby was just pacing nervously.  
  
"Okay, stop that!" CJ said, pretending to be mad. "Now, come on."  
  
Carol opened the door for them and CJ and Toby stepped up at the podium. Everyone started yelling questions but CJ just stood there, looking at the reporters. Finally, the room became silent.  
  
"Thank you." CJ smiled slightly. "As probably most of you know by now an article about me and Toby Ziegler appeared in the Times two days ago. Until now, we've chose to not comment on questions about it. But after many discussions between the two of us, the senior staff and the President we decided to have this press conference to give you the answers you so obviously want."  
  
She took a deep breath and turned to Toby. He smiled slightly at her and gently brushed his hand against hers.  
  
"Okay," CJ said, turning back against the reporters. "Who's got the questions?"  
  
THE END  
  
2003-01-11 


End file.
